Sadness In West Texas.
Drive west young man, through the swamps and heavy air of Louisiana. Stop and let the blanket of humidity drape around your shoulders. Stop and listen to the sound of crickets and frogs and creatures in the night. Stop so they can watch you breathe. Feel the presence of that life. You’re not alone.
Drive west young man, through the Texas sun and endless desert, bleak and dry. Stop and let the dust stroll by your feet, look out as far as you can see, towards the ocean-less horizon and understand the world the way a spider would in a sandbox. Understand and let go. You’re not alone.
Drive west young man, until you pass through the scorching sun of Arizona, through the foothills of eastern California, drive until your eyes are spinning and your heart is sore. Drive until your breath is gone, until your knuckles bleed…. Drive because the west coast is waiting. The Pacific is there smashing into the beach, the life you’ve worked so hard for is passing you by. You’re still not alone.
Drive north young man. Drive north past grapevine and the bay towards the valley of the many colored grass. Towards a home that is girdled in by the Olympic and Cascade mountains, where the clouds blanket the sky and the air is cool and crisp. Drive to the place where your son is eagerly waiting just beyond the door to give you a giant hug and tell you all about the things he’s been learning in class since the beginning of the school year. Drive because the life you’ve earned is there awaiting your arrival. Drive because your future is there with your wife and child and friends and family. Drive young man, away from the stage, away from the lights, away from the mighty roar of the audience. Drive away from that public life and admire the beauty of the picture you left behind for everyone to see, frozen in time on a digital lockbox written in neon lights and antique dreams. Legacy preserved.
As this life disappears into the rear view mirror and all that I am shrinks out of existence I can say that I am proud of what I’ve accomplished in that life. Truly.
I’ve spent almost my entire adult life traveling the world and entertaining people. I cannot tell you how grateful I am to have met so many wonderful humans along the way. I’ve played with my heroes, stood on stages I never dreamed I would and I gave up any semblance of a normal life in search of those hopes and dreams. Those snatches of exuberance in the twilight hour. This was life. This was normal. The hotels and flights and trains and boats and oceans and deserts and toll bridges and endless concrete stretching from cost to coast. Normal. This was my life. And I am ever thankful that I got the chance to experience it for so long, and not with one band but Two!
I have you to thank. You. Who bought my records and t shirts, you who brought gifts and food and clothes and coffee. You who told your friends about my art, my books my live show. You that stood in the sun and rain and snow and hail and heat to watch me dance around and swing a mic. I can never thank you enough for allowing me to thrive in a world we created together.
I’m driving home because I’ve reached the end. Driving because I’ve played all the shows I want to play. Made all the friends I wanted to make. My manager asked me why? Why, when this project is finally gaining a lot of momentum and I’m poised to be bigger than I’ve ever been?
The truth? I’m tired. My son is growing up without me. My need for my family and my own bed outweighs the need for the stage, the stage on which I thrive. The stage on which I come alive. It outweighs my ability to deal with the chaos of the world and still continue to reconcile my own happiness.
Maybe I just need a sanity break. Maybe I just need to disappear into the ether, never to be heard from again. Maybe I’m just ready for a new adventure. It doesn’t matter at this point. I need some silence. I need the noise of the world, the politics, the racism, the hatred to be shut off. I need nothing but quiet. The peace.
I’m going west. Going northwest. Going to focus on my home. On Submit Clothing, Control Merch and Control Records. We’ve got some great new music from some fantastic artists coming out soon. We’ll be working on it this fall.
I still have the last Revelations EP to release as well…which is quite fitting for the end of such an magnificent story.
Goodbye my friends… and thanks for all the roses.
So there he lies at the last.
The deathbed convert.
The pious debauchee.
Could not dance half a measure could I? Give me wine, I drain the dregs and toss the empty bottle at the world.
Show me our Lord Jesus in agony and I mount the cross and steal his nails for my own palms.
There I go shuffling from the world.
My dribble fresh upon a bible I look upon a pinhead and I see angels dancing…
Well, do you like me now….
Do you like me now…
Do you like me now?
Photo Credit: Ryan Hodges